As the local undertaker, as I am called by some, I am on call 24/7.  I have often said of myself that it’s not that I am unreliable, it’s that I have an unpredictable lifestyle.  Since owning the funeral home, 17 years now, I have often used this as a reason/excuse not to commit myself to organizations, committees, even family and friends.  How can I be counted on be at a meeting, to bring refreshments, to go to a family function or make plans for an evening out when I MIGHT HAVE TO WORK?  Everyone has been understanding.

  No one counts on me to be an active member of anything.  I pay dues and give money.  I rarely see my husband’s family that lives less than 50 miles from us. I see my sisters more often because we go on trips together, when I can count on NOT WORKING.  I have only a few friends, those who are willing to make plans with me that I might have to cancel.  Everyone knows that my work comes first!

When I started this blog two months ago, I was in a very dark place.  I felt that I was losing my “purpose”.  There are fewer deaths in our town so less families for me to care for.  Those families want less of the traditional services that I provide.  So I have less work.

Well, if I have less work, than what do I have?  I have more TIME.  So what am I going to do with that time? I can sit around and mope and say woo is me.  I have no business; I have no purpose, blah, blah, blah. 

Or I can make good use of this newly found, no found is not the right word, newly GIVEN time.  Last week I rejoined our local co-op as a working member.  I did a training session and worked a shift and it was so much fun.  Today I am taking a friend to the hospital in Bennington for same day surgery.  She was very hesitant to count on me but I assured her I would do it. (yes, I do have a backup plan). I have known this woman since 1976 when we were both in NYC.  She actually moved to Cambridge because of me and it is high time that I start being a real friend.

I realize that I must start living life and not just have a life waiting for death. As I write this, I realize how true that is for all of us, I have just made a career of it!

I am actively making it a new purpose of mine to reconnect; to come out from behind my “I might have to work shield”; to give of myself in different ways.  It is time that I live by the words I often quote, “Make every day above ground a good one”.

Thank you for reading and sharing my journey.


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